Parents have a lot of information to communicate on a daily basis. This can be as serious as warning kids of a danger, or as important as telling them you’re proud of them. With so much significant information to share, it’s easy to lecture and over-explain. Unfortunately, your child’s attention span probably doesn’t last long enough to catch the entire explanation. Here are three ways you can make your communication more effective with your kids:
Show it, don’t say it.
As kids grow up, their understanding of verbal language improves. Until they reach mid to late adolescence, your words are probably met with limited understanding. So rather than speaking to them, show them what you want to say instead. You can use pictures, roleplay, objects, arts and crafts, games, and more to communicate. Even eye contact and a smile can mean so much to a child who wants your attention. Chances are, your kids will understand you better with a variety of communication methods.
Take note of your overarching message.
How often does your child hear the words “I’m proud of you”? Parents can focus so much on strategies for managing difficult conversations, they neglect other equally important messages. Consider how often you’re saying “No”, setting limits, or responding to difficult behaviour. Perhaps a shift in messaging is needed. Kids need to know that they are good enough, just as they are. They need to know you are a stable presence in their life, no matter what happens. Take some time to think about how your child will best receive these messages.
Take space to cool down.
Lectures usually serve parents, not their kids. They tend to happen when your kids do something that sets off your internal alarm bells. You hope an extensive explanation will guarantee something like this never happens again. When you are anxious, your brain shifts into a simplified way of thinking, and you resort to strategies that will make your anxious feelings go away. But, if no one is in danger, you will absolutely communicate better after taking space to calm yourself before speaking with your kids.
The message is as important as the means. Lecturing tiring for parents and for kids. It’s usually a lose-lose communication method. These alternatives may help you send the message you want, with less effort, while preserving your relationship with your kids.
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